Bean's first photo!

we had our first ultrasound today! got to see Bean and his/her tiny heart beating and head moving. it was fucking incredible! sounds funny, but it makes it more "real" now. to see that little critter in there moving around! i couldn't be happier!

First Ultrasound

I saw my baby today for the first time. I saw it's little heart beating, and move it's freakishly large head. Holy shit! I am gonna be a daddy!!! I am getting tears in my eyes again...enjoy the photo:

it's "confirmed"

had my first appointment yesterday, turned out to be just another pregnancy test. wow, that makes 6...i told them i already took 5 at home, but them's the rules. i have another appointment (a real one) next thursday at 7:30 am. crikey, that's early!

i feel like i'm no longer a person, i'm just a giant pair of breasts! this is at 7 weeks, i'm frightened by the thought of them later in my pregnancy and when my milk comes in after bean is born. holy boobs batman!

my mood swings continue to amaze me, the pregnant female is an astonishing thing.

clay is wonderful and puts up with the kooky woman who gets snarky with him, cries every hour, and sleeps like a soon-to-be corpse. he deserves a pack of gold stars! he's so fucking yummy too, i catch my breath when i look at him, and i've found myself making funny noises in blockbuster when i catch a glimpse of him down an aisle. mmm...tasty man alert.

i'm a silly girl...

so, after taking my 5th pregnancy test the results are in...i'm still pregnant! i think i'll feel better after going to my first doctor's appointment on thursday morning. for some reason seeing those results from each of the five tests gives me comfort. my mom thinks i get excited each time...she's right. it gives me a thrill to watch those lines pop up so quickly.

i still don't have much nausea, it comes in waves, mostly in the evening. chocolate milk is the best thing to help it go away. no actual throwing up, which is great because i hate throwing up with a passion.

clay brought me a milkshake when he picked me up from work...he is my god.

The Tiger (Daddy) and the Boar (Mommy)

The Tiger and the Boar Together:



The Tiger and the Boar can make a good match, but it will require a bit of extra flexibility on both sides and a lot of mutual trust. The Boar is generally very kind, well-mannered and generous and tends to see only the best in other people; this in itself makes a relationship with this Sign easier. The Tiger, too, is generally quite affable and good-spirited; however, there are certain behaviors and situations that can turn both of these Signs' good spirits into bad moods. For the Tiger, restrictive relationships, possessive lovers and rigid expectations can be just cause to run away. Freedom and autonomy are incredibly important to the Tiger, who will do whatever it takes to ensure it retains that freedom. The Boar values connection, support and a steady home life and will very likely find the Tiger's lone wolf character to be unsettling at best. If these two Signs live together, and especially if their relationship is romantic, they will have to make sure to allow room for their differences -- the Boar will have to excuse the Tiger's roaming and the Tiger will have to offer the Boar as much support and reassurance as possible.



A romantic relationship may actually be the most likely sort between these two. The Tiger is magnetically attractive, generally very sexily appealing to any of the Signs. The Boar possesses its own sexy mystique and is also very much a sensualist, reveling in the simple but luxurious pleasures of food, lovemaking, even sleeping and bathing. As long as the Tiger doesn't feel restricted by the Boar's love of home comforts, the Tiger will be happy to play along -- for a while. Inevitably, this Sign's urge to roam, explore and experience will kick in again. As business partners these two can create a strong company as long as their goals are aligned. Though a sensualist by nature, the Boar is far from lazy; this is a hard-working Sign whose efforts will back up the Tiger's courageous leadership and innovative ideas.





Individual Signs:



Tiger(Daddy):



Tigers may not be the king of the jungle, but these striped cats are no softies! Magnetic and self-possessed, Tigers are born leaders. They have an air of authority that prompts others to fall in line, which is exactly how they like it. Although they are magnetically charming and fun to be around, Tigers like to go it alone sometimes too. A Tiger's main interest is in following its ambitions -- and maintaining control.



Tigers are courageous beyond compare and generally come out ahead in battle, be it in the boardroom or the bedroom. Seduction is one area where the Tiger is definitely king! Noble and warm-hearted, Tigers have a natural, raw appeal that's extremely attractive to other Signs. They're not just about attraction, though; ever on the side of right, Tigers will fight the good fight to the bitter end if the cause is worthy. Opponents are wise to fear this feline.



A bit of caution is a good thing around Tigers, since they can pounce without warning. They experience mood swings and often feel things more intensely than others, the latter quality being both good and bad. They can react poorly under stress and are prone to emotional outbursts. This Sign's bristling sensitivity can send friend and foe running for cover.



A lesson that Tigers would be well-served to learn is "moderation in all things." Once these cats can find their center and direct their considerable energies toward worthwhile endeavors (as opposed to racing through life), they will accomplish much.





Boar (Mommy):



Contrary to its rather negative reputation in the West, the Boar of Chinese Astrology may be the most generous and honorable Sign of the Zodiac. Boars are nice to a fault and possess impeccable manners and taste. They have so much of the perfectionist in them that others may be inclined to perceive them as snobs, but this is a misconception. Boars are simply possessed of a truly luxurious nature, one that delights in finery and riches (in surroundings, food, lovemaking and otherwise). This Sign believes in the best qualities of mankind and certainly doesn't consider itself to be superior. Boars also care a great deal about friends and family and work hard to keep everyone in their life happy. Helping others is a true pleasure for the Boar, who feels best when everyone else is smiling.



A Boar with no one around to appreciate its giving nature is a sad sight. Boars are so magnanimous they can appear almost saintly; this can lead some less-than-well-intentioned souls to stomp all over this Sign, and the bad news is, the Boar will take the blows! Boars make great companions in part because of their refusal to see the more negative or base qualities in a partner, but that rose-colored view can lead to this Sign's allowing itself to be taken advantage of. Contrary to their seemingly benign dispositions, however, Boars can be quite venomous in response to being crossed by a lover, friend or business partner.



Boars are highly intelligent creatures, forever studying, playing and probing in their quest for greater knowledge. They can be misinterpreted as being lazy, however, due to their love of reveling in the good stuff; this Sign could happily spend hours on end making love, napping, taking a long bubble bath or dallying over an incredible spread of rich foods. Boars tend to make wonderful life partners due to their hearts of gold and their love of family. Even so, Boars can be rather exclusive, choosing to spend time with those who will appreciate them most and ignore the rest of the populace. Boars would do well to realize that there's more to life than being needed. When they open up their world to a diverse group of people, they will truly bloom.




Our baby will be born this year, it's the year 4704 on the Chinese calendar and also the year of the Boar. Boar years are best for Tigers and very good for other Boars.

baby's first book

clay's parents gave us a beautiful book of children's stories and poems. susan would like us to start reading to bean right away, so tonight we will begin reading to the little one growing inside of me.

i really can't express how i'm feeling. i'm the happiest i've ever been. it's quite an incredible thing. and i'm sharing it and going through it with the only person i'd ever want to.

Fetal development in pregnancy week 10

Your astonishingly tiny baby has graduated from embryo to full blown fetus! And so it should be, as they've been hard at work growing as fast as possible—almost doubling in size in the past three weeks! Amazingly, you’re in for a repeat size doubling performance within the next three weeks! Your tiny champion still weighs less than a quarter of an ounce but has already completed the most critical stage of their development. Using Doppler technology, your doctor or gynecologist can let you hear their tiny rapid fetal heartbeats this week (145-165 beats per minute!). Chances for miscarriage are greatly reduced when the heartbeat can be detected, so take a sigh of relief if you’ve been needing one—it hasn’t been an easy ten weeks! What’s more, they’re getting ready to make their first baby poop! Your little one’s major organ systems are developing, including a functioning digestive tract capable of moving food all the way through their bowels. The final shiny gold star on their fetal behavior chart for the week: your little scrapper has already developed defense mechanisms to protect them on reflex!

blargh...

i really don't like feeling as if i have constant pms. i've always had a hard time with it, at times it would make me feel like i'm going crazy. now it's a constant, i'm fine..then mad..then sad and want to bawl..then mad..then fine. if i had more hair i might be tempted to rip it out.

i'm not AS tired as last week, still as hungry though! i've stuck to the no caffiene and am proud of myself. i haven't eaten any fast food either.

meh, i'm gonna go to bed now.